The Steve and Judy Affair, According to Girl

The Steve and Judy affair according to Girl: Judy called. She had been the skinny, freckled girl in 7th grade who introduced herself to me while we were waiting outside in the tile-covered hallway for our first class at a new school. She was the girl in junior high who lived on the edge. She smoked, she drank beer and she drove her borrowed cars 90 mph. She was much too independent to have a boyfriend. She loved life and amazingly seemed to keep out of any type of major trouble. She rather reminded me of an adventurous feral cat—showing up for dinner, and then back out into the wild. Her parents both worked and this gave her lots of opportunities to be on her own.


After her phone call to me in New York, I immediately started thinking about matchmaking.

Mike had a friend named Steve who was very nice. However, my thinking was that he needed a girl. He was the type of guy who spent weekends in the library and weekdays on the working end of a typewriter. His conversation would revolve around the latest found cuneiform script that had just been translated, the Sumerians, and the excitement of the finds from 3000 BC. I tried to explain to Steve that there was more to life than the clay tablets, however I needed help.

She did not go to college—she earned her degree outside academia. She had an enchanting smile, frosted blond hair. Her bangs seemed always in need of a trim, half covering her beautiful brown eyes. She was a cross between a flirt and an alluring diva.

She sat on our couch sipping a glass of cheap red wine, waiting for her challenge.

I had explained to her that Steve was not a Hollywood type. He was, in fact, a little on the pudgy side. His standard apparel consisted of plaid flannel shirts, tan pants, brown loafers, and glasses. He appeared to be prematurely balding. But, he was extremely nice and probably needed someone to show him the ropes.Judy was up for the kill.

When Steve arrived, we had a pizza and small talk, Mike and I took off, found a movie to go to, and let Judy handle the night.

As Steve spoke in pictograms, stylus and wedge-shaped words, Judy smiled and poured more wine.

Her mission was to defrock the gentle (intellectual) giant. She was as good at what she did, as he was at what he did.

Right in the middle of Steve’s explanation of Ugaritic language, she planted a wet kiss on those virgin lips.

When the movie was out, Mike and I went back to our apartment. The dirty deed was done. Judy went home after a few days. Steve recovered and married one year later—but not to Judy. He had fallen in love with a beautiful dark-haired Susan, and no one ever mentioned the visit of our little cutie from Grand Rapids.